I love Spring…It’s all pretty flowers and you can play outdoors again and wear dresses and shorts. Dad was going away again on Monday but had to spend the weekend in his office sorting out flights and stuff.
Gabriel, Hettie and Hayley were all sat together on the baby blanket, laughing over what he was doing. I hate how Hettie lets Hayley do stuff with Gabriel. I’m not even allowed to stand up and hold him but she can feed him and carry him and everything!
I can look after him as well! I’m not that little! It’s just that Hettie won’t let me!
Hayley was at the bottom of the tree. “What do you want?”
“Hettie is going to put Gabriel down for a nap, can I play with you?”
“NO! I am the queen and there cannot be two queens of the castle! You would have to be the ugly evil witch if you want to play with me!”
“Fine Isabelle. If you want to play alone, I’ll go help Hettie and then I’ll just chill out in my room. No need to get mad.”
“Hayley Wait! I’m sorry, just wait there a minute and then you can come up and play, you can be the guard if you want and look out for trouble?”
“Whatever, I just don’t want to be bored.”
Once I checked she was waiting there I got the bucket full of rain water and tipped it out of the window.
Hayley was REALLY mad but I thought it was just really really really funny!
Once Hettie went on her break, it could be my chance to prove that I can look after Gabriel as well. Just like Hayley. When I saw Hettie in the kitchen window making a coffee I went upstairs. Gabriel was already asleep but he wouldn’t mind his favourite sister waking him up, right?
I woke him up by accident when I was trying to figure out how to undo the cot but he didn’t cry…He just watched me.
Even Hayley wasn’t allowed to change Gabriel’s nappy, if I showed Hettie that I could do it she would think I was really grown up and even let me do more than Hayley! I took off the blanket thingy and laid Gabriel on the changing mat. Now just need the nappy and wipes. I had just kneeled to reach the nappies when I heard a loud thud followed by a high pitched scream…
I didn’t know what to do…I never meant to hurt him…I just ran out of the bedroom and was near my door when my Dad stormed up the stairs
“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH GABRIEL?!” He screamed at me, running into the nursery. “Isabelle, Who did this to him?”
Gabriel had a big bump and bruise forming and a cut on his forehead. “I-I…It must have been Hettie. She said she was putting him upstairs for a nap. I was in my room colouring.”
Gabriel was still crying…even when Dad was holding him… He pushed past me. “Well, Heather will have to answer for this. If I cannot trust her to look after you two while I am here, I dread to think what it will be like when I go away for 10 months.”
Hayley was leaning on her bedroom door when I followed Dad out of the nursery. “I know you lied Isabelle.”
“No I didn’t!”
“I was there when Hettie changed him, put him in the sleeper and saw her secure the crib. Then I saw you go into the nursery and then I heard Gabe fall. You did it and you’re letting Hettie get the blame!”
“I didn’t mean to and It’ll be fine!”
“No it won’t Isabelle. Jason is going to fire Hettie. Maybe we’ll get a new nanny but there is no chance she will care about us like Hettie does. This is all your fault. Just like mum being sick and Nick leaving us. Everything went wrong when you were born Isabelle. You should never have been born.”
Then she went into her room and slammed the door behind her. She was right…everything DID go wrong after I was born…I was mad…and sad…and confused…
I didn’t mean to hurt Gabriel…I didn’t mean to be born or make mum go poorly…I don’t mean to be bad but I am bad…
I dug my nails into my hands as hard as I could, I felt my hands bleed but I never stopped…I don’t care if it’s bad…I’m bad. I’m bad.